I wanted to take a moment and discuss a subject that most people do not understand. I want to address mourning. Everyone mourns for different reasons and Everyone Mourns in different ways. Most people have difficulty with understanding that there is a world outside of their own heads and feelings and forget that others can be affected by the same event. Many people mourned when Michael Jackson died and there were also many who mourned when Whitney Houston died. Some people mourn when they get a divorce or any other loss. One thing I want to point out about mourning is that every normal human being mourns for one reason or another at some time in their life. It is a natural and normal part of being alive.
What is mourning?
As we see by the definition below as presented by the Free Dictionary by Farlex, mourning is an expression or feeling of grief and grief when used in this context comes from a sense of loss.
mourn (môrn, m
rn)
v. mourned, mourn·ing,
mourns
v.intr.
1. To feel or express grief or sorrow. See
Synonyms at grieve.
2. To show grief for a death by
conventional signs, as by wearing black clothes.
3. To make a low, indistinct, mournful
sound. Used especially of a dove.
v.tr.
1. To feel or express deep regret for: mourned the wasted years.
2. To grieve over (someone who has died).
3. To utter sorrowfully.
When someone has experienced any sense of loss they often grieve and essentially need to go through a mourning period which is one of the ways humans cope with such events in life.
How do people mourn/grieve?
Everyone has a different way of dealing with grief because everyone has their own coping skills and methods in which they process information and handle traumatic experiences such as the loss associated with grief/mourning. Basically, some people can be debilitated for a period of time while someone else may appear to be virtually unaffected. These differences do not necessarily mean that one loved something more than the other or that one feels less loss. It simply means that they have different coping skills and deal with grief differently.
Everyone who has been through grief counseling has heard that there are five stages of grief. These five stages are not written in some proverbial stone with out any flexibility. These stages are not necessarily experienced in the same order and some do not go through all five stages of grief.
The Five Stages Of Grief.
Disbelief - One may not believe that the event took place and often try to come up with other explanations for the loss so that they do not have to deal with the actual loss. I recall when I was told that a friend of mine had been murdered; it took me several hours of working through those words and that concept before I could move forward from that moment in time. It was very difficult for me at that moment but eventually I moved on to another stage and was able at that time to determine what I needed to do at that point. I had to get past that stage before I could react.
Yearning - One may have a desire, wish, or longing for the event that caused the loss to be reversed. Depending on the type of loss would determine what one may wish to reverse. One may simply wish that it was a misunderstanding or incorrect data.
Anger - Some people get very angry and lash out at everyone in their path from the person at supermarket, other family members with whom they feel are not grieving correctly all the way to the professional agent who did not stop the loss from happening.
Depression - Quite often one may feel very sad, have no motivation to get up in the morning, do their hair or even eat a meal. Depression can last for just a few days or even years caused by a loss in someone's life. That depends on the individual and how well they cope with the loss. Depression is a sense of sadness or gloom. It is where the individual is feeling emotionally sunken and may often withdraw.
Acceptance - This is the stage where the loss has been realized. Often, acceptance is present from the beginning and as time goes by with the emotional healing taking place, acceptance becomes stronger as time and stages pass.
I have experienced my share of grief in my life considering that there have been many events that have taken place in my life that has caused quite a bit of loss. Some of these have been house fires, divorce, lost loves, and even deaths.
I personally know people who are still grieving over many things in their lives and because they are in their own part of their own method of grieving they have difficulty seeing that others are not grieving and that the world has continued to go on with out them. They are so deep in the all of the grief that they can not see that the rest of the world is not affected by their lives or their grief. We see them; we recognize they need some time to themselves. We offer them our condolences and sympathy but at the same time the rest of the world is going to move forward with out them. I know that some people may be angry at other family members because they feel the other family members somehow disrespected the dead by not grieving the same way as they feel is appropriate. When grieving a loss of any kind, it is important to keep in mind that others grieve differently and in their own stages and just because someone does not appear to be grieving does not mean that they did not grieve and just because a loss may affect you does not mean it affected others the same way. We are all human and perceive the world from different perspectives therefore being affected differently by the same event.
I hope the best for everyone who is or will ever grieve from the loss of something or someone. I hope they all find healing and can recover from their losses. From their perspective it will never end while from the perspective of the rest of the world, we know that they will eventually learn to cope with the loss and will someday have the opportunity to be happy again. The reason they will be happy again is because it is the natural process of human beings. If the individual is depressed for an unhealthy period of time, withdraws, displays signs of suicidal behavior or thoughts or does not seem to be recovering while it is affecting their life, it would be a good idea for a loved one or friend to step in and schedule an appointment with a grief counselor or other mental health professional. While loved ones are grieving it is also a good idea to watch for signs of suicidal ideations because intervention may be necessary.
